Sunday, November 8, 2009

checking in with 33Y

It's been awhile since I posted. The running, sorry to say, has fallen by the wayside. I think my body is not built for it. Maybe it's the fibromyalgia -- not sure -- but it was causing me some pretty significant pain -- and not the good kind. I can run for a long time on a treadmill, but the pavement is not a friend to my joints. But at least it got me conscious of the fact that I need to do more cardio.

So I haven't blogged in awhile partly because I've been pretty busy with yoga teacher training at Yogawood in Collingswood, NJ. (Yogawood RULES, by the way, and they have a second location coming in Riverton, NJ, which is oh-so-close to me! Check it out: Obtaining my yoga instructor certification was one of the things on my 33Y list, so I got to thinking that now might be a good time to check in with progress, especially considering that we are only four months from my 32nd birthday (gulp). Without further ado, I give you 33Y: Progress Thus Far:

1) I will write every day, for at least a half an hour. Wow, how much I have NOT been doing this?????????? I don't know why, having been published a few times now, I still will not give myself license to devote time to this. I need to work harder!

2) I will submit work for publication at least 1-2x per month. Partial progress has been made here. I have submitted work. But not at the rate that I said I wanted to. Have to work harder at this one, too.

3) I will sleep in my bed instead of falling asleep on the sofa with the television on. FAIL. What is my aversion to sleeping in my bed?????????? I think it has to do with that lonely feeling of going to bed alone night after night. I need to get past that. My bed is seriously the most comfortable bed on the planet! And I'd probably be less crabby if I actually got a good night's sleep.

4) I will turn the television OFF. This I actually have accomplished. I've been pretty good about not turning on the television unless there is something on that I specifically want to watch. I could be even better about it, but it's a process. Music is definitely a better option for background noise. For sure.

5) I will earn my yoga instructor's certification. In progress. Hopefully to be completed by May. :-)

6) I will move to (or at least begin the process of moving to) a place with culture (i.e. I will no longer be a constant slave to my car, and I will be able to do things OUTSIDE instead of being stuck in my balcony-less apartment that overlooks a parking lot, and I will be surrounded by more than strip malls and divided highways, which I am convinced are polluting my soul.) I have been investigating places of interest. Northern Liberties ranks pretty high. I've also been going through drawers and closets and getting rid of as much stuff as possible so that a potential move will be less stressful. Of course, this new Yogawood opening near my place is making me reconsider wanting to move to the city. I need to pay close attention to what the universe is trying to tell me here.

7) I will organize my life and become more disciplined.
a) I will pay bills on time. With the exception of the Comcast bill, I have been doing this. And let's face it. Comcast sucks. It has to be said.
b) I will put shit away. Things have been finding their proper places with more promptness than usual around my place. Weeding out unused, un-needed "stuff" will help to further accomplish this goal. There is still a ton of stuff that doesn't have a "place."
c) I will stop letting laundry pile up. I have seen the bottom of my hamper on more than one occasion. :-)
d) I will exercise at least 4x per week, with at least 2 of those times being yoga. Well, the yoga part has been accomplished. Still need to get more cardio.
e) I will meditate every day, preferably twice a day. I have been SHAMEFULLY lax in even ATTEMPTING this! Why are human beings so reluctant to be still?

8) I will allow myself to be human, i.e. I will no longer mentally kick the shit out of myself for every mistake that I make, but instead understand that there are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn. I'm working on it. Ahimsa. That is a yoga concept that embodies this goal. There will probably be more on ahimsa in upcoming posts.

9) I will stop holding on to useless anger. Wow. How difficult is THIS? What am I afraid will happen if I allow myself to not be angry anymore?

10) I will be the change I want to see in the world. You know, yesterday morning I woke up freshly back from a fabulous vacation only to find that my car wouldn't start, which was going to make me late for yoga teacher training and a class that I couldn't make up. I'm not gonna lie. I got frustrated and annoyed and I definitely had that "why me" attitude for a bit. But after making some calls and summoning AAA (which is probably the best thing EVER..."Sooner or later, you'll break down and call Triple A"), I took stock of what I had. I had a dead car battery, which AAA was able to change for me on the spot so I could avoid a tow. I had my friend Sharon, who offered me use of her car for the day (which made me want to add "learn to drive stick" to my 33Y list). I had my friend Kiersten who offered to come over to NJ to drive me to teacher training. I had my parents' friends Jim and Mary who recommended a good local mechanic should I need it. I had my dad who called the STS near me to find out if they had weekend hours. I even had an ex-boyfriend who texted me options for places to take my car if I needed a tow. And I had a new friend at Yogawood who lives near me and offered to pick me up if that ever happened again.

Pre 33Y, I would have chosen to see that car not starting obstacle as a chance to dwell on all the negatives: having to pay money I don't have for a new battery, not having a husband or boyfriend to depend on, being late for class...we can always find a way to make things negative, can't we? I choose now to view it as a opportunity to have my eyes opened to all the blessings I take for granted every day, because here's the goods: we are not special. Yoga teacher training has taught me that we are all one, and that our experiences are everyone's experiences. My car not starting doesn't make me special. It doesn't make me singled out by the universe. My sucky morning is everyone's sucky morning. And if we choose to stop identify with our small individual selves and instead accept ourselves as part of one great Self, the suffering (the duhkha) becomes no greater than the happiness (the sukha), because they are one and the same. They both eventually end, and we are left with nothing but the Self.

Loka Samasta Sukino Bhavantu
Shan'ti Shan'ti Shan'ti

(May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may our thoughts, words, and actions somehow contribute to that happiness and freedom. Peace, peace, perfect peace.)

(Not me, you.)


1 comment:

  1. Excellent! You have achieved more progress than you are aware of. Love you. -Mom